Terrence Whidbee
Terrence also known as Teewhid, grew up in rural Eastern North Carolina where he learned important values. He attended East Carolina University where he majored in English. His college career took a pause as he pursed a different route and opened a Sales and Marketing firm in Portland Oregon. Today he currently works as middle school teacher. Terrence also performs poetry and is currently finishing school. He looks to spread a positive message with his art while opening the mind and hearts of those around him. He has one daughter age 4 who inspires him to work even harder. He lives by 3 words Peace Love Truth.
You can read an excerpt of our conversation with Teewhid below, or watch the entire conversation here.
I've had many experiences that have shaped the man I am today, including the development of various traits of masculinity through these experiences. I joined this discussion because sharing my background could help others from similar demographics understand our perspective and why we do what we do and feel how we feel. That's really why I wanted to join you guys. I support the work you're doing; it's good work, and I’m definitely supportive.
I appreciate that. You mentioned the things that made you the man you are today. Where do you think you learned your perspective on masculinity or what it means to be a man?
The community I grew up in played a gigantic role in shaping the man I am today. My father drove long-distance trucks, so he was often on the road. As a result, a lot of my father figures were other family members and male teachers, who played a big role because my dad couldn't be as present as he wanted in my life. As a child, you don't understand many of the big or adult emotions, so I started to internalize a lot of things I was seeing. I grew up not really showing my emotions, being closed off. I used humor a lot—I was the class clown at school but still intelligent. I now believe that humor was a way for me to channel things I was going through at home. The men I grew up with didn't share their emotions vulnerably. Most of the expression I saw from men was anger, rage, and aggression. These were traits that I also picked up, along with being tough and cool, which was something a lot of my peers wanted to have.
There are so many good themes there, especially regarding expressing emotion. You mentioned the few emotions that are acceptable, but there's a whole range that needs to be expressed to make progress in life. You didn't have the context as a young person for the big emotions happening around you. So I'm curious, what made you realize that bottling everything up might not be the healthiest way to go about things?
It was a couple of mediums that helped expedite the process for me. Early on in high school, I was very observant and always gravitated towards strong men, which might have been because I was trying to fill a void from my father not being as present. Coaches and teachers played a big influence in the way I saw myself. They were the ones who believed in me a lot and instilled confidence in me. My high school English teacher, Mr. Terrell, had a big impact on me because he helped me channel my emotions through poetry and writing. I had my first heartbreak in high school, which led me to write a very emotional piece that I shared in class. Mr. Terrell stepped outside with me, talked to me, and gave me a hug. That embrace was a moment where I realized I needed to get in tune with my emotions. I kept writing through that. In college, I began to challenge a lot of my beliefs and shed biases, which helped me take control of certain situations and learn how to let go. Being in a committed relationship and starting a family opened my eyes to a new level of masculinity and manhood.
You've mentioned a lot of differences in how you view yourself as a man versus societal or community expectations. Can you elaborate on that?
One of the most important things I've learned is not to place such a strong emphasis on what you do, but rather on how you make people feel. I had to learn that because I saw men focusing on building wealth or having material possessions without realizing the impact they were having on people. I've had various job roles and sometimes got caught up in the idea of success imposed by media or family. It's important not to focus solely on providing and working without considering the emotional impact you have on those around you, like your friends, daughter, partner, and family. It's a big lesson and a work in progress to not only focus on achievements but on nurturing relationships and being a healthy presence in your community.
It's a constant battle against the programming that tells guys their worth is only in their output. It's about genuine connections and fulfillment, not just ticking off boxes for success. No matter how advanced our technology or institutions, our brains still crave human connection. It's vital to face and work through hard emotions, which can be uncomfortable but necessary for growth. Can you share any last thoughts or messages?
My message to people is to be honest with yourself, which will help you be honest with others. You can follow and connect with me on Instagram at Teewhid. On my platform, I have poetry, live talks with people, and I cover a variety of topics. I also work for a nonprofit called A Better Chance, A Better Community (ABC2), focused on youth engagement, social justice, environmental justice, and financial literacy. Lastly, if you haven't tried meditation, give it a shot. Journaling and exercise also help with emotions and can assist with masculinity challenges.